drops of thoughts...

Thursday, April 28, 2005


my eyes are heavy lately
my body is tired and my soul is a tad bit drained.

i'd say it was time for a change.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

we're coming to america

negative things are afoot - with the ever present companion - sad heart.

thank you very much, amen.

Monday, April 25, 2005

recognizing the hearts (use the key)

how night time comes: to julia

as quickly as a stabbing sunset,
bloodied with beauty,
the wine crocuses bloomed
silver in the puddles near my brain.
((silver or purple, but still in my brain))
the sapphire stag,
((a deep ocean blue))
glided through the golden dreams
resting in my wet-road eyes.
goodnight, rainclouds. goodnight

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

crocodiles could scare paul

before i tell the reader exactly what i thought in the shower this morning, there must be some prefaces:
preface1 - there is a crazy guy that lives 2 floors down
preface2 - ever since i took a self-defense class, i have worked out imaginary scenarios. such as, what if i was walking out a mall and someone approached me in an aggressive manner - what would i do? then i proceed to figure out what sort of kick ass kick ass moves i could do. SO - with that said
in the shower this morning, Amanda's, my RA, door slammed shut. i thought it was a gun. then i started thinking that (crazy guy's name here)_____ was up here shooting people. and hark! he can hear the shower. i thought, after everything become extremely quiet, he was waiting to rip the curtain down. and as soon as he did, i imagined him with this shot gun, pointing it right at my little nude body. what would i do? i decided what i would do if in that situation... and it wouldn't be pretty, people. hell no.

in other news ((as jim would say)) i have made up my mind about the Tyrannosaurus. he was a scavavger. and also, the scariest dino would, today, have to be the Oviraptor. wow. okay? wow.

Monday, April 18, 2005

love, linda

something innate inside of me craves this kind of season. i am not just talking about the weather -- or at least i don't think that i am-- it's everything.
it's getting into my car and swelling and sweating because of the stale heat. its having my window open so i can, from a distance, sort of eavesdrop on conversations ((thanks to echo)). its watching youngies pair off, holding hands and all these giggles from giggletown, usa.

welcome to giggletown, usa - population: springtime.


Friday, April 15, 2005


it just so happened that i was in a situation that allowed me the opportunity to peruse a Readers Digest.. i like the tiny sections that make me laugh out loud. the joke sections, you know? i don't know what they are called... but i was reading this one today called "If at first you don't succeed...give it to a kid". a first grade teacher handed out the first part of well-known proverbs and asked the children to fill them out - the right side happens to be the kids' responses.

"it's always darkest before.... daylight savings time.
"Don't bite the hand that.... looks dirty.
"You can't teach an old dog new... math.
"If you lie down with dogs, you'll.... stink in the morning.
"A penny saved is.... not very much.
"Laugh and the world laughs
with you; cry and.... you have to blow your nose
"Children should be seen and not.... grounded.
"When the blind leadeth the blind.... get out of the way. "

i gave a light hearted chuckle - this warrants a light hearted chuckle, i feel. i definately like the one about biting dirty hands. i have another one , one that i made up:
"give the world the best you have.... and of course, you get screwed ...
how's that for a light hearted chuckle?

yes, its one of those days..

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

laffy taffy

just one more joke before i give into the night:

what do you call a religious potatoe?
give up?


Sunday, April 10, 2005

busby berkeley

tonight the air was light.
it filled my lungs with dancing feet -
i breathed in real deep ((the way i can only do on spring nights)) -
i fluttered between day dreams
and the wind from the car window moved my self-cut, too short blonde bangs.... and with intensity, i just missed. i want there to be boundaries between happy and sad. i don't want to feel them at the same time.
if i had to choose only one - i'd have a run in with happiness - named something subtle& in a coffee shop. tonight, in that coffee shop, rosie thomas might be playing - and happiness might have a white chocolate mocha.

or maybe an iced-t on a swing set far away from walls. ((that's the one i choose)) a subtley named happiness -- barefoot and filthy with spring dirt

Thursday, April 07, 2005

recover your face, please

it's a part of everything i suppose. it starts out relatively simple. like, wishing so fervently that school will be cancelled on a white-covered morning. getting up extra early to listen to the radio, looking outside your bed room curtains just WISHING the traffic was going slowly.. and then the sweet sweet nearly tangilbe hope that the country roads will be undrivable for the bus drivers... and then, when your school isn't mentioned... a sort of despair. a disappointment, if you will.
here's the thing, though... once i got to school and shared and revelled and hated with everyone else.. and Miss Miller came in with that smile that only elementary teachers can smile..with her star stickers to give and smiley faces to draw. and even though we all had to sit in those ridiculous chairs that paralyzed (not the good Notwist kind of paralyze) and made our feet tingle with a drowsy kind of tingle - it wasn't so bad.

it's much different now -- and no one is giving star stickers

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

box of doughnut dreams

and so it is with 73 days and daffodil afternoons -- (where their petite little heads stretchup to the sun ((whom they mimic anyways))-- that the pollen in the air and the budding trees must exude some sort of chemical that ferments and causes my whole body to be drunk. i'm a drunk. a daffodil and yellow drunk. one of those going-down-the-slide belly days -- the kind of slide with new bare toes sand at the bottom.
a space pirate and cherry lemonade kind of day -- a dawn treader day going thro the lillies afternoon.

and God, please bless neil.

(note to reader - magnetic fields' "i" happens to be enhancing and extravagantly augmenting my mood. amen)

Monday, April 04, 2005

like tater tots, tots, tots

its too bad that days like this have to be polluted with things that aren't as good as this day.. for instance:
(a) the knowledge looming over my face with hammers and rain clouds of this conference. let's face it. i don't want to go to a conference and present a paper on a psychological study where we found no significant results... what? how does that even happen? who cares aboug significance anyways?
(b) the mall being littered with scantily clad girls - don't forget their dainty blankets and flitty hair. i don't blame them for soaking up the sun -- but you know, i guess i don't appreciate seeing bellies beaming with spring time sun. it just ruins it for me.. esp. since i feel like that kind of laying out should be done at the beach or at a pool... then, i don't mind it. but come on, we are here to learn.. if you want to get tanned.. let's do it at Four Seasons or something.
(c) this job search thing is torturing my brain -- i don't even WANT a job, why should i look for one? well.. we all know the answer -- money. don't ya' love it? i mean, i don't. so whatever.
(d) my boyfriend is still beside lake michigan - and not me.

however, after this week -- and then after next and then after that - i'll be done, he'll be here and then after a few months -- we're moving to Florida. that makes everything now livable, i suppose.

who knows?

g'nite sleep face, far away

i want a ferris wheel summer...
the sensation of being lifted far above the country fair..cornstalk community and pickup trucks... that's the kind of summer i want.
a silver, ford pick-up-truck summer... with cousins(bestfriends) who pull hair
i can ride in the back and let bugs catch my hand -- and it'll sting, but it'll be funny. and right as the sun touches the tip of western stop signs, i'll smell freshly cut grass -
(like that one day when i was lonely. my window was rolled down, arm out and sunglasses on -- but barely seeing the sun -- county road 300 S --
seems far away.)
i'll be ice-cream lipped young -- and swing set innocent ((before-the-park-was-for-parking young)) -- prebraces and prebra. and once upon a time before shoes in the summer...
i'll be worried, only at the end of the day, about the ticks and the scraps..

Sunday, April 03, 2005

francis dore and the graph outline with beats

the blue goes on forever out my window facing northeast. like my heart. it hasn't gotten easier (but what ever does). i still have a void. i don't whine as much, nor cry as much ((outwardly)) -- but i still ache.
i have a mortal fear of this week - so many shitloads to do and, if i think about it, not any time at all to do it in. everything is going to be mediocre. but i suppose, that's what life is. maybe not for you, but that's what my life is.
part of me feels tingly - part of me feels like abandoning this entire life that has been created - part of me feels unbounded with the enthusiasm of this life - but then... that's only sometimes. those times are on blanket nights and soft sand days... ((those have been forever))..
i have no earthly clue.
but i understand... only a few things... and those few things keep me going.

so, there's that.

Friday, April 01, 2005

i feel like ray ray gray

"the naked erica
that these clothes
represent makes
me happy...
more clothes on
the pile i say!"