tight brown hat, clear air;
it's a springtime moped ride
for an asian girl.
things i've been thinking lately:
-i wish i was asian or native american
-middle class/richies can eat heatlhy.. poor people can't.
-counting calories is what i would be forced to do if i went to hell.
-i can't believe the enormous ebb and flow of life style and decisions.. and the culture and cycle that is born from the both.. a symbiotic relationship that can be either amazing or terrible. and where do i fall into all of this? why do i get placed in an environment, comfortable, white and not difficult, that fosters good decisions when so many people don't ever get that chance... like, EVER.
-lance clark turned me off to seasons 8 and 9 of the x-files. i wish he never did.
-i can't believe people are still getting killed in mines.
-i can't believe that people are raising cigarette taxes to deter people from buying them... i think it's another scheme to make the rich richer and the poor poorer.
-why do so many christians take justice matters into their own hands... and after i think about that, i wonder.. why am i a christian? christians give jesus a terrible rep.
so, maybe i'll be a jesusian.
it is a cold day -- this day, cold day. makes me freeze.. the blood and the heart pumping this blood. and i'm pissed..
and i stay pissed, that's the problem with me.
and i get melancholy, and i stay melancholy ((that's another))..
but then, my life is nothing -- but everything all the same.
and her life, and his life, and then her life again.. is my life ((which is nothing, but everything all the same)).
so which is it?
by the way, get happy. my problems are only so big and not important. her problems are only so big, but more important than mine..
i'm only as strong as the love i can give, in this life that may or may not be something.
my heart pumps october red blood through my veins. i function. i am a biological, fleshy peach machine. i'm this human who does humanly things with eyes that shine like a freshly washed car. my arms hang like puppy ears sometimes when i'm tired, and also my head on days when everything is gray. sometimes i forget - that i'm human an di do human things and that's okay. not always okay, but never entirely preventable. leaves do leaf things - and wind does wind* things. and that's okay. relationships are messy.
* i can never feel the wind of change
i only see the smoke in the distance shift
sometimes i know its time for different
just by instinct
but sometimes i need a tangible rerouting.
((got this idea from m.plett))
my favorite albums of 2005 ((meaning, the albums i listened to relentlessly in 2005.. not necessarily new in 2005, got that?))
Kings of Convenience - Riot on an Empty Street
Sigur Ros - agaetis byrjun
Joanna Newsome - Milk-eyed Mender
Modest Mouse - The Moon and Antartica
Architecture in Helsinki - In Case we die
Kanye West - Late Registration
SUFJAN STEVENS - come on, feel the ILLINOISE!
i heart huckabees ((were these 2005? can't remember))
joe versus the volcanoe
harry potter 4 ((most anticipated))
narnia ((second most anticipated))
hitch --haha, just kidding.
BEST poem i wrote ((in my opinion)):
"i want a ferris wheel summer...
the sensation of being lifted far above the country fair..cornstalk community and pickup trucks... that's the kind of summer i want.
a silver, ford pick-up-truck summer... with cousins(bestfriends) who pull hair
i can ride in the back and let bugs catch my hand -- and it'll sting, but it'll be funny. and right as the sun touches the tip of western stop signs, i'll smell freshly cut grass -
(like that one day when i was lonely. my window was rolled down, arm out and sunglasses on -- but barely seeing the sun -- county road 300 S --
seems far away.)
i'll be ice-cream lipped young -- and swing set innocent ((before-the-park-was-for-parking young)) -- prebraces and prebra. and once upon a time before shoes in the summer...
i'll be worried, only at the end of the day, about the ticks and the scraps.." -april 4, 2005
Favorite book -- traveling mercies, anne lamott
Scariest moment: presenting at a conference
Best date -- Chicago aquarium
3 favorite shows:
Kings of Convenience
5 things i'm exuberant over:
anna coming home from england
andy coming home from chicago
andy moving in with matt and jordan
getting our own apt.
some things i'll never forget:
my three week vacation with andy. (good)
coming home from the iron and wine concert (bad)
The best new year's eve EVER (good)
Let's hope 2006 won't let me down - i have to be an adult now. cheers to a new job, cheers to the future.