rapping on my door

note to the reader,
my insides are buzzing like late night electric lines.
"be thick," the moon, who dressed to kill, petitioned
"like frosting."
she, with a rum-riffic smile,
said
"no..."
(a wayward sigh)
"fancy free and silver spires -
like the smell of his nighttime blanket"

sundry of sun dried

i wore my dino shirt today. its gray with yellow triceratop bones on it... a girl named tina gave it to me last year. she's nice. we aren't friends, really -- but there's no specific reason for it. i always thought she was pretty -- reminds me of a lion, in the kindest sense of the description. she actually bought it for her self - decided it was too small... and hey, i'm small.
the point being, i like dinos.
and i like sunshiney, blind me with your rays, it's so warm on my skin after a too long winter day.
dinos and warm shoulders --
i fear if the day would have been different i might have gone crazy and slit my wrists with a rusted hanger -- i hate coming back after a good week away.
soon.
soon.
soon.
soon - anna will be home...
soon andy will be here...

then i will glorify dinos and warm shoulders with smiling teeth instead of a nearly void and always hopeful heart!

fingers crossed... cross bowed.

'you go to school to learn'

so, the other day in my writing class, we looked at this poem.
stab my brains out because i like it too much!

"you go to school to learn to
read and add, to someday
make some money. It - money - makes
sense: you need
a better tractor, an addition
to the gameroom, you prefer
to buy your beancurd by the barrel.
There's no other way to get the goods
you need. Besides, it keeps people busy
working -- for it.
It's sensible and, therefore, you go
to school to learn (and the teacher,
having learned, gets paid to teach you) how
to get it. Fine. But:
you're taught away from poetry
or, say, dancing(That's nice, dear
but there's no dough in it). No poem
ever bought a hamburger, or not too many. It's true,
and so, every morning --it's still dark!--
you see them, the children, like angels
being marched off to execution,
or banks. Their bodies luminous
in headlights. Going to school."

now, here's the question... i feel this way. but why can't i ever write like this. i just can't anymore. period.

winn dixie vs. benji

today was slightly windy -- and the clouds could not decide between voluptous or minimal... thus, i could not decide on how to label the day -- notice i went with "windy"--. but tonight the clouds are abundant, so i suppose that could be the true decider on whether or not it was cloudy today -- i'm going with yes. the moon with his pointy edges, scraping and poking his way out of the cloud-cover, helped me make up my mind. thanks, moon -- or should i say mon? i don't know.

i'm in the library right now... notwist to my left and my friend jim over there at the info desk. he misses his girlfriend -- i suppose there are millions of people right now at this very second who ache for someone else... it's weird, that whole phenomenon... right now in my green shirt with feathery bangs, i long for someone in chicago -- just three or so blocks from lake Michigan... and it's different but the same as jim over there in his red history department shirt with newly washed hair -- he misses someone who is just a short trip to platform 9 3/4. but regardless, we both experience missing... funny. and i'm sure somewhere a boy named anthony with braces and blonde hair misses the way his girlfriend laughs in 6th period science with Mr. Shore.
humanity's a funny thing...

i think we can all raise our glasses to that..

growing pains

the sun shines
on the house across the street,
but the windows are still closed.



my legs hurt and my nose is running

pigs, goats and airport security

my horoscope, in reference to the relationship between sagittarius (andy) and cancer (me), says that love is an interstellar vessel, so it can surpass challenges -- and although we have to work really hard at having a meaningful relationship, it's worth a try!
also, i'm a pig in the chinese zodiac and andy, he is a goat... that description of our relationship is much positive.. it doesn't have as many ambiguities as the sagittarius and cancer defintion... this says
"You are a match made in Heaven. You are inspired, and kindred spirits. Your sexual appetites are as strong as the physical attraction between you. You are mutually sensitive and tend to be self-defensive when you disagree. Your challenge is to overcome silence and talk it out. Equally, security-oriented, you score high-marks when it comes to what you create financially and professionally together. " now this -- this is what i call a freaking horoscope. i like the part about our 'sexual appetites'...
yes, please, i'll have the sexy special with a side order of steaming desire -- don't forget the milkshake... the kind that brings all the boys to the yard.

man, that was anti-HC if i ever heard it -- something on a far less sexier note -- i got my capstone paper done tonight around 10pm. ethical issues concerning racial profiling post 9/11 for Middle Eastern (or middle eastern looking) ethnicities... that's the subject. i have to say, the literature was depressing as hell. i say hell because i'm quite sure the goings-on are supremely separated from love. that's that -- even pro-racial profiling stuff is super-in-your-face-we-love-America patriotism. and i don't like that. one American man shot a man of Sikh religious affliation (Balbir Singh Sodhi) in the head -- and as he was getting arrested he shouted, "I'm a patriot. I'm a damn American all the way." if that is what it means to be American -- get me a one way ticket out of here and an application for citizenship elsewhere.
seriously.
we trade integrity and love for hate crimes and assumed securites. that sucks

p.s. aaron got me new racquetball safety glasses!