portrait of the queen

---"sometimes [she]just doesn't have a heart" "she's still going to be there" "go out and change the world, go out and love people"---

i am a fun-dip kind of girl --
i like sunshine -- i really do.

before everything changed, i loved to blow bubbles on my dad's front porch. i wondered who envied me because i was carelessly blowing bubbles into the atmosphere.. cars rushed past, and there i sat, either on the cement stairs or the swing...

i remember the very first time i realized that some people were just mean -- i don't remember who it was (i mean,i kind of do - but not really) and i remember feeling.

my mom tells me that after the first day in preschool, when she came to pick me up, i was crying my eyes out and saying things like "i never want to go back..." she never made me. i love her for that.

sometimes i really miss how things were... bicycle days and unsolved mysteries... i'm thinking about being a kid -- i'm thinking how it was -- on a day where i feel less and less like innocence...

somethings we will never possess