"a bottle of gin is not like love"

it's 20 after midnight. and my throat hurts. but in the scheme of things, it's really not that bad. so, moving along, and tumbling right into girly-ness: i miss my boyfriend. i miss the way he can not keep his fingernails away from his teeth... and when we sit on the couch, watch x-files and eat ice cream - i guess i just miss the way he chomps the toffee bar right in my ear..( on accident of course...) the things that would drive me batty this summer, i desperately long for. i know i know.. the epitome of lame. and so, these things i miss -- and make me sad. what's appealing in a city filled with thousands of strangers -- when you've been settled in a heart for a year and a half? just things i have to deal with... and something i have been stuck on for a few days... what is all this about decisions? when is the time in life when we have to start making adult choices? and everything currently in our life is because of a string of choices that has led us to the point in which we stand. i hate this. it legitimately weirds me out. if any decision in my past had even the smallest deviation of variations -- everything i am, and believe, and everyone i love and surround myself with could be utterly different. but no. somehow,i made all the right decisions -- or wrong ones -- or a great big combination of both -- and here i am, sitting in front of a computer, slicing my stomach and spilling my guts. and really, quite simply, it's just me -- this girl -- in love with this boy. and i miss him. so, i thank -- and curse, but praise decisions with every short and long breath in this petite body of mine.