today, huh?

so, i guess i'm doing this because there is internal warfare in my body.. what can i say, i want to be cool... on so many levels. usually i don't care about the cool group -- it's way too over crowded... but, i feel like it is ever so rad, neverminding the essientials of coolness, to have an online journal. so, i just suppose that that side wins. and so here i am. today. working, nonetheless, in the library. cause, well, that's what i do. i work in my college library - as well as attend the college... as a senior sociology student. i guess, along with that, i should lay a few foundations, so if any one ever stumbles across this pathetic attempt, one would understand a little of the this and thats of my existence. i have a bright light (actually the brightest light) in my life... oh so cliche -- his name is andy. here recently, like, let's say 2 weeks ago he moved to chicago. surrendered me to stay in good ole' Indiana and fend for myself... for at least a year. i'm okay. and more specifically, i'm okay with that. it took me a while -- actually, i'm lying. i'm not really okay with that.. and in general, i'm not really okay with a lot of things. but oh well. life moves on. we're still together - and i don't see that ceasing in all honesty -- but it burdens my heart -- loneliness makes me heavy. but laying all that aside... i live with four girls whom i absolutely adore: heather (roommate), anna and lynsi (neighbors) and nicole (2 doors down)... frequently, i will speak of these spirits... kindly more often than not. i'm 21 and anxious... i have a million things i want to do and sixty thousand passions i'd be content to pursue -- but alas, i am here... waiting. i care about people... most of the time.. and the other 1/4 of the time, i mostly hate people. it's a nice little contradiction i pride myself with... many (many) things bug me... and mostly, this is what the blog will be about... so, if that doesn't interest you -- i'm sorry, but maybe you should read it anyways.... i'm mainly scattered but mostly structured in my chaos -- really, it all makes sense to ME.